Blogmas 2019 – Entry 2

I’m looking around my house and it’s a mess. Not in the bashful way you apologise for the mess when people have come to visit and your house is spotless. No, my home right now is an honest to goodness mess. I want to say that I don’t know how it’s gotten this bad, to blame the fact that I’ve travelled a lot this year or that it’s too cold to do anything, but those are excuses. I know exactly why it’s a mess, it’s the same reason why I can’t remember when I cooked something interesting for myself to eat beyond pasta or why I order takeout as much as I do. I’m not being very nice to myself.

Procrastination has always been my best friend, but I’d always be doing something else that was worthwhile even though there was something more pressing to be doing. So instead of vacuuming I’d be reading a book, or I’d be following a tutorial on photoshop. But lately my procrastination has just been life avoidance?

It took me seven months to buy a mop. It’s still in the cupboard, unwrapped and unused. Actually it took me a month to put it in the cupboard to start with, I left it out in the hallway telling myself each time I passed it that I’d use it this week. Honest. I’d unwrap it, move things around and I’d seriously mop the kitchen floor. It’s in the cupboard now. Unused.

I got this way because I’d say things like, “I’ll dress nicely tomorrow”, “I’ll do my hair next week”, “I’ll for sure do laundry and the dishes in the morning”. Then I’d get mad at myself for not doing those super basic things. I’d take something as simple as washing socks and turn it into an excuse to be unkind to myself. Rather than just say, “doh! I guess I let it get out of hand!”, it’d be a debilitating spiral of sadness where I’d berate myself and feel bad about procrastinating. Bizzare. 

So, for 2020 I’d like to be a little less lazy and to be nicer to myself. Like I said yesterday, each day is a choice right? So I’m choosing to overall just be better. To make the decision each time to make better choices, to hold myself accountable and to I dunno be nicer to myself when I run out of socks.

8 Comments Add yours

  1. Okay this hit me in the face and thought it was just me that was like this. Honestly if I haven’t done even basic things I’ll think I’m an absolute failure/procrastinator (not realising that going to work is too a choice that I commit to daily) I also make my daily to do lists too long, so I’m setting myself up to fail and feel bad about myself. Its such an unlearning which travel abroad taught me but its creeping back slowly I can feel it is.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. adoredee says:

      I’m so guilty of the too long lists setting myself up for failure! You are absolutely NOT alone on this at all. We just have to be kinder to ourselves. We can’t be perfect, we can do better but no-one is perfect we need to be okay with that.

      Like

  2. Moni says:

    I am the queen of this! I only just cleaned the other day because I had someone coming over. After I finished and I looked at my clean apartment, I thought to myself “Why does this person I barely know deserve to see a nice place and I don’t?” I hate cleaning, but I deserve to live in a tidy home. I wasn’t beating myself up about it, but I wasn’t treating myself well either. Hmm.

    Like

    1. adoredee says:

      Exactly! Why should cleaning be relegated to when someone else sees it? Why do we treat other people nicer than we treat ourselves? It’s maddening when you think of it that way. Let’s try to do better and be nicer to ourselves.

      Like

      1. Wow never ever thought of it like that! I would like to live in a clean tidy plc all the time. Like yea why is it to benefit of guests who give zero fs? When I would be happier and have a less cluttered mind from it. Tonight my bedroom will be tackled for me and me alone!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Amanda Lorge of The Snail Of It All says:

    I am so there with you. You are not alone!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Kat says:

    I have so, so been there and I cannot recommend Unfuck Your Habitat https://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/ more highly. She is kind, she is no nonsense, I followed her back in her tumblr days but now there is mostly twitter/a book – you deserve things to be nice for you! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. adoredee says:

      This is amazing, THANK YOU!

      Like

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